Master Caution

The U.S. government will be sending out economic stimulus checks on a timed schedule based on the last two digits of the taxpayer’s Social Security number. According to the IRS website, my bracket of paper checks will be mailed “no later than” June 27.

Which means, of course, more months of barely scraping by, bouncing checks and saving money until I receive my check some time in July. By then, what with all that scraping and saving going on, I won’t need the money like I need it now.

Things have been tight, to say the least. I moved back to Buffalo from Boston with no job on April 1, and I finally got a steady job a week and a half ago. I haven’t gotten my first check. I’ve been buying food at gas stations with outdated credit card software because I know the transaction will go through and I’ll be able to walk out with something, even though I know it will be sinking my checking account further into the red and creating more overdraft charges for when I actually get some money in the bank. Things like cable Internet service or staying current on my cell phone bill that were previously just expenses now seem more like long term goals, something to start a change jar for like a trip to Six Flags or a new bike.

Now this. This idiotic Band-Aid solution to the nation’s financial problems. As a matter of policy, I don’t even want the check. The idea is to give everyone $600 and hope for the best. Hope they spend it in ways that stimulate a flagging economy. Hope they don’t save it or use it to pay off some debt like they should. It’s not a government assistance program, it’s not really government at all. We are being handed a modest sum and told to fend for ourselves. It’s individualistic and it misses the root of the problem: the people who need this money the most aren’t getting by on $600 checks. Between rent and the groceries and transportation costs and utilities– the money’s gone before we get it in the bank.

And so I disagree with the program. But, of course, I need the money. And there was constant noise about how May, May would be the month when we’d start to see this small, irresponsible brand of relief. Now I have to wait two more months.

It’s a good thing I listed my father’s address on my tax return. I’d done it because I was moving at the time and didn’t have an apartment yet in Buffalo. As it stands, my check will be even more delayed because my father will have to forward it from Albany. Let’s hope that after these next two months I’m not evicted, with the bank holding everything I own, forced to move back to my father’s to receive my check on time.

The federal government has informed me (and others) that it will be sending out a check for $600 to aid me in my financial endeavors some time in May.

Owing to the fact that a dollar doesn’t go as far as it used to (and neither do six hundred of them), I’ve decided to chronicle the story of my $600 tax incentive from the time I get the check until it’s completely gone. In order to track the money properly, I’ve decided to cash it right away and keep track of the cash so as to not mix it up with money I receive from work. (If you have better ideas, let me know, but starting a separate account for it costs too much money.) I’ll post my experiences here with a “600 and falling” tag.

Posts will probably feature such exciting narratives as:

Paying my cell phone bill.

Deciding between Banquet or Hungry Man frozen dinners.

Philosophically wrestling with the urge to blow it all on booze and women.

Half-mad diatribes on the state of the working poor.

Occasionally blowing small sums of the money on booze and women.

The ins and outs of discount meats and pet care supplies.

And so on.

The check should come within the next few weeks, so watch for updates. For now, take a few minutes and read the story that inspired me to whatever modest action comes out of this project.

Well, I’m finally moved in to my new apartment (minus a few things like towel racks, the Internet, or a place to sit), I started a another food service job (busing) today, and the new Master Caution world headquarters on Allen Street has officially gone live.

Woot.

Here’s some local niblets before the café closes and I lose wi-fi:

The Buffalo Police Department and block clubs around the city seem to support the recent video surveillance program. You may have seen the flashing blue lights of the security cameras on lightposts around Allen, Elmwood, and the Chippewa, but there are currently 43 locations being watched around the city, with plans for 100 more by year’s end.

The NYCLU website has begun an initiative to raise awareness about the affect of these cameras on Buffalo residents’ civil liberties, but most of the reaction from neighborhood groups has been positive.

And Buffalo Police Commissioner H. McCarthy Gipson says the cameras only serve a partial role:

“They help enhance our ability, but the real job of policing is still left to boots on the ground,” Gipson said.

It’s always interesting to see how pervasive national punchlines like “boots on the ground” can be even at the local level.

…

Royal Toybox has a pretty sweet idea for a more masculine version of the traditional Thank You card featuring Samuel Gompers gesticulating and thanking the card’s recipient; with the current state of American labor, it’s hard to see what he could be grateful for.

My ideal cover candidates for the next phase of man-thank-you cards:

-Sam Perkins

-”Legs” Diamond

-R.J. Umberger

-The grizzly bear population of the western U.S.

-A Dodge Durango

…

Buffalo has a bike museum. Well, it’s in OP.

John Paget wants to bring it downtown. It would make sense. There’s certainly a ton of interest in bikes and bike culture in the city.

My hope is that if the Bike Museum comes to Buffalo proper it follows the standards and practices of the city’s reigning cycling insitution: open once a week for six hours with free booze until dawn.

…

More posts when I get more settled.

Mean time, get the F outside.

There are some days when you wake up feeling cheated by reality. Your favorite sandwich shop is closed for repairs. Cigarette prices went up. The bullets you thought you heard zinging past your ankles on the Bosnian tarmac turn out to have been shy, bright-eyed refugee children.

Up is down, left is right, and so on.

Then, you come across something so dependable as to reaffirm your belief in the concrete reliability of some things in this world. For me, that something is Bruce Jackson.  Read the rest of this entry »

No posts for awhile, I know. I’ve been caught up in the process of moving back to Buffalo from Allston (more on that later).

I have a place; now I just need a paying job ASAP. I’ll get back to regular posts when I get settled.

Anybody need my services or have recommendations on where Jake Drum would fit best in the modern economy?